Elmarco' s Web . . .

The 2013 Year-End Letter -- A Parody


Happy Holidays from Roger & Flo.

First, the good news. In January we found out that our 15- year-old daughter Jessica was NOT pregnant! Which was a good thing since her off-and-on boyfriend Henry was in jail on a disturbing the peace charge. That must have been quite a party he threw when his parents were out of town. Luckily, the fire department got there quickly.

In March, our son Jack, now 26, was released from prison. He would have been home sooner, but he cold-cocked a prison guard. He's a spunky lad, but he needs to control that temper of his. Ever since then, he's been sort of off-and-on looking for work, but so far has not found "a fit."

You may have heard about the tornado that hit our area last summer. We were lucky -- it only took the garage and left a medium-sized hole in our roof. Totaled the new Lexus. We loved that car even though it was a big contributor to our credit card debt. Hopefully, the tarp over the roof will be a temporary thing.

We has a nice vacation at a rented cottage at the beach, except for the almost constant rain, the mosquitos, and, oh yes, the bed bugs. The little rascals hitch-hiked home with us & it's been an almost constant battle ever since to get rid of the little biters. You wouldn't believe all the home remedies we've tried! We changed the cat litter every five days so the newly hatched eggs would dehydrate. We put special cups under the bed legs to keep the little bastards from trying to climb in or out of our bed. And we vacuumed; oh how we vacuumed! Unfortunately, after all that use, out old vacuum cleaner caught fire. But, once again, the fire department got here in record time.

This fall I learned something first-hand that I later heard on the TV: Never throw water on a kitchen grease fire! Luckily the fire department was quick to respond (I think they may have our address in their computer) -- plus we like to cook on the grill.

You may have read about the big ice storm that hit us in early December. Well, after Flo put out the trash barrels, she slipped on the ice in the driveway and fell and broke her arm! Suddenly no cook. Thank goodness for the microwave and TV frozen dinners!

Well, that just about sums up our interesting year. One final note: Henry is out of jail & he and Jessica are "an item" again. We've got our fingers crossed (& hope she has her legs crossed!).

Best wishes for a happy, prosperous & uneventful 2014 from Roger & Florence, the cat, two ferrets, a parrot and our big, mangy dog, Shep. (And, of course, those damn bedbugs!)

P.S. We hope your fire department is as responsive as ours. Don't know where we would be without them.

For the further adventures of Roger & Flo, click on The 2014 Year-End Letter