Elmarco' s Web . . .

The 2014 Year-End Letter -- Another Parody


Happy Holidays from Roger & Flo.

Well, 2014 certainly turned out to be an interesting year. Our daughter Jessica, now 16, finally broke up with that damn Henry! I think he was a bad influence on her. But she's in re-hab and doing pretty well. The baby's due in mid-August.

Son Jack, now 27, is still looking for work that will "suit" him. I think he needs to do something about his appearance when he goes on a job interview. I mean, who wears a ratty T-shirt and jeans with a hole in the rear when applying for a position with a law firm? And then there's his drinking problem. But he claims he has it "under control."

We're still recovering from the 2013 summer tornado that hit us. We got a pretty good deal on a lease for a two-door Ford Fiesta to replace the Lexus. And the blue tarp over the hole in the roof doesn't let in much rain except when it's windy.

Couldn't afford a vacation, but we did manage a visit to Flo's sister Julia and her husband Frank. They have a very nice five-bedroom house on a three-quarter-acre lot in a gated community. Quite posh. We took our parrot with us and had a neighbor attend to the rest of the animals. Things went quite well until we discovered that we also brought some "hitch hikers" with us and Julia & Frank now have a bed bug infestation! We hoped they would be somewhat understanding, but Frank lost his temper and cussed us out with some really nasty words. So we had to cut our visit short. (Note: Flo got a call the other day from Julia & she said that the third professional exterminator finally got rid of the persistent bastards. Must have cost them an arm and a leg. Flo thought Julia sounded a little bitter.)

Fortunately, they extended the deadline to sign up for Obamacare again -- fourth or fifth time? I've lost track -- so we hope to sign on. They cancelled our old "cheapo" policy. I understand the website is more-or-less working most of the time, so we hope we can find something we can afford.

You may remember the lesson I learned a year ago when I found out you don't throw water on a kitchen grease fire. Well, this Christmas, I learned lesson No. 2: It's not a good idea to put lighted candles on a fairly dry Christmas tree! Once more, the fire department again was quick to respond, but we now need a new rug and living room drapes & there was quite a bit of smoke damage. We've covered the hole in the bay window that the firemen made to get at the burning tree with some plastic and duct tape, so that's taken care of for the time being.

So bBest wishes for a good 2015 from Roger & Florence, the cat and her five new kittens, the two ferrets (one of whom I think is pregnant), our parrot (who has learned some really nasty words so we have to put him in the basement when we have guests), and old Shep, who seems to be going downhill. (And, of course, the remaining bed bugs. Fortunately, we have them more or less confined to our bedroom so we toss a bug bomb in there every once in a while. But that means we have to sleep in the living room. I have the sofa & Flo is comfortable on the reclining easy chair. As an added protection, I've taken to wearing rubberized PJ's -- sort of like a wet suit. Seems to help, but you sweat like hell, particularly when the air conditioning goes on the fritz, which was most of last summer.)

P.S. Luckily, our fire department maintains its high degree of efficiency. Hope yours does too. But maybe you're more careful -- or luckier!